Bloodrayne - Video Game Film Review - Film Month Print E-mail
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Written by Christophor "SuperGuido" Rick   
Saturday, 01 September 2007

[OpEd]

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 BloodRayne is technically an ensemble cast in this videogame to film adaptation. Too bad most of them just needed either a paycheck or a reason to pull that tuxedo out of the closet because most of them called one in on it. It is hard to imagine someone who makes a living out of acting actually being able to do so poorly and still find employment afterward. But this is what I think made BloodRayne, from notorious director Uwe Boll, a poor film. But it is just a poor film and not a 100% cmopletely terrible film. Sure there are flaws in it but there are flaws in most of the Hollywood garbage that comes out as well so nothing is perfect in life, we all know this.

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Bloodrayne%20pic%206The cinematography in the film were pretty good actually as were the locations and costumes. There seemed to be some confusion as to when and where the film took place though. This was evident in the fact that Rayne's mother spoke French and then English with a French accent, yet Rayne spoke with a British accent. Vladimir, played ultra-poorly by Michael Madsen, seemed to have been Romanian or at least Slavic yet had not an inkling of accent in a single word. Hell even Michelle Rodriguez who played Katarina had a shitty British accent that sounded like she played the whole film with half a mouthful of oatmeal. Overall the voices in the film were totally poor and pretty much worthless. 

But aside from the dialogue the actual acting was wanting as well. Ben Kingsley apparently thought that being an aging massively powerful vampire meant he was supposed to be like a marionette whose strings were tangled and knotted and left to sit in a chair, stiff-backed and unmoving while delivering his lines with a simple-hinged mouth that bore almost no expression at all. Hell I could have put more emotion into that role than he did and I only had a year and a half of acting at university.

 The dialogue in general seemed sluggish and mechanical as if not using contractions gave the language an 'olde english' feel when really all it did was make everyone sound like robots at times. The writer obviously never bothered to read the script aloud to himself and realized his gaff. When Vladimir 2utters the sentence "If they want a fight, a fight they will get," even Madsen should have realized that a contraction or some inflection would have really made a change in the line. Instead he almost completely deadpanned it as if Vladimir had been sucked dry of all emotion long before this film took place.

The crappy, flat acting stretched all the way to Kristanna Loken who played Rayne. Her facial expressions ranged from stunned confusion to curled upper-lip confusion. So I guess what I am saying is she did the whole film with her brow furrowed and confused. Most of her lines were delivered with all the intonation of a cardboard pizza plate. Hell I've seen robots without speech that have managed to get more emotion across.

Surprisingly Billy Zane pulled out a good performance as did Udo Kier. But Kier almost always gives a show and Billy Zane must just really need some work and want to be the bad guy in the sequel. 

Some of the actors actually tried to earn their paycheck it seems. Matthew Davis (Sebastian) did an alright job for the most part. Except for the great sex scene where he never once opened his eyes. Was it in Loken'sbloodrayne020 contract that the man she was supposed to be jumping didn't see her naked? Strange because he managed to get his tongue around one of her nipples without a problem. I watched the unrated version because if I'm going to watch a film I don't want a neutered watered-down version vetted by the American government who believes that the citizens there can't make their own choices.

So the sex scene was really good if you didn't see it. Well the sex itself was a little awkward but I enjoyed the scene and thought 'yeah, I want her to jump on ME like that,' so it must have been interesting. But one three minute sex scene doesn't make a film, well unless you're going for a short porn film I suppose.

Some of the highlights of the film include the swordplay of Sebastian (Davis) and Domastir, played by Will Sanderson though they were few and far between. There was a really good monk in the film who reminded me of Ray Park as Darth Maul. Most of the other fight scenes are really slow and awkward. bloodrayne_08The 'duel' between Rayne and Katarina is more like two cats hissing and spitting at each other than actually dueling. In other words they chatted more than they fought.

Speaking of swordplay, I am amazed Loken didn't kill herself during the filming. Her weapon handling was so poor I was afraid she was going to accidentally skewer her fellow 'thespians' or herself more than once. Even after her intense 'training' scenes she still didn't look like she knew which end of the sword to poke someone with.

The rest of the fights include a lot of swords being embedded in faces, swords cutting open people and spraying a 10 foot wide arc of blood and just lots of blood in general. One scene was quite funny where several guys are cutting one poor sod to pieces by hacking at him. Oddly enough none of them have an ounce of emotion while doing it. I would imagine that if a bunch of bad guys are doing that they would either be in full-on battle rage or enjoying it.

OK so the film didn't totally suck. As I mentioned the filming is good. The locations were all interesting and cool. The film was completely shot on location in Romania, so if you enjoyed the sites then go visit Romania. The pace of the film is somewhat slow for an action film but the story had merit, it was just poorly executed and there were many things that made me stop and say "what the hell?" Like when Meatloaf, who was better than he was in Rocky Horror, was a big vampire who had a bunch of stained glass windows in his lair. I mean if you're a vampire and you burn up in sunlight, you board up the damn windows right? Or you have your main lair underground at the very least. Come on people think about this stuff!

I think that the film lacked a proofreader, a continuity coordinator and acting in general.bloodraynelokenandboll The casting wasn't bad but from what I read it was the very last thing Mr. Boll did before he shot the film. Too bad he didn't remind the actors that they were supposed to act and not just read the lines off of cue cards. The film could have been far better if the acting hadn't been such crap.

My score: 45%

Worth a very cheap rental, not painful to watch and mercifully it was short. Well, maybe it was a little painful to watch. Guinevere Turner should be ashamed of herself for writing such drivel and passing it off as dialogue.

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